The Vindictive Approach

Success and failures are considered to be two sides of the same coin, though one is a little shiny and the other a little rusty. Everyone wishes for that shiny part, but do little to to achieve it. The reality of the matter is that, it’s not the shiny part you inherit, rather you smudge of the rustiness of the coin to make it shine. It’s failure that leads to success, without there being an absolute achievement of things being otherwise.

Being the fallible human beings, that we are, the failures sometimes plunge us into grim darkness. In such situations, it is up to us, whether we want to allured by the darkness or let our vision of the distant light guide us out of complacency. Sometimes the fear of failure reached disturbing level of magnitude, so not only to  ignore the light, but let the darkness clog our thinking.

I find myself in situation wherein I fail miserably yet don’t let myself become distraught. It’s not a facade of nonchalance, it’s just that to believe in the inevitability of things, and coming to terms with the consequences helps one wake up to the harsh truths in life. For a number of years, I have seen myself become a person whose competitiveness wasn’t restricted to the mental imagery of my victory, but equal happiness in other’s misery. It wasn’t a happy indulgence as it subconsciously blinded me so much, that I started basing my life as per the opinion of other people. Living in my own insecurities to find validation from others, was my chance at peace.

As you experience more and more in life, your perception undergoes transformation from being superficial to being profound. As you learn to weigh upon your own potential, you learn to care less of other’s opinions and everything isn’t a race anymore. From being vindictive, you become the exuberant being who is immune to trivia of life which immiserates you more. It’s not a fight to become the best so as when comparisons are drawn, you can stand there and smile. There is more to life than thinking about others ;think about yourself, but not in a selfish way, set personal goals, not career ones.

 

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Love and all that shit!!!

We vulnerable creatures and are miserable existence, the lovers, the lunatics and the stalkers…too many add onto the same frame of events and it becomes difficult to survive. It is in the very nature of human being to seek resolute company of others, evoking a sense of belonging and seek a new meaning to life. This feeling sometimes goes the distance and builds up to something even more potent, than mere physical presence, the misnomer chosen for this popular emotional perception is love. But then, let’s not talk about the negative gloomy aspects of this notion, which seems to ensnare more and more every day. As is believed, love changes life forever, should you actually fall in love.

If you were to go to any braided hair, Bob Marley look alike, and ask him about the idea of love, he might tell you whilst blowing cannabis off on your face,  that there is nothing to love, if there is emptiness in the souls. One doesn’t need to find meaning in a relationship, but seek meaning in the union of it. When that slacks off, there is nothing left, but sheer agony.

In the course of history, many have tried to articulate love in the best way one can. One of the best narrations on the same is by Louis de Bernières-

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”
― Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

There is something really crazy about love. Here is a fun fact- the day all the shit above starts making sense as if to evoke an urging moment of madness, where you feel you have understood everything there is to know, YOU ARE IN LOVE.

 

Judge and be Judged

“Those who fear being judged, secretly judge others.”

If i were to ask you to count on your finger tips the number of occasions in the past year where you couldn’t gather yourself to something, out of fear of being laughed or mocked at, trust me, you would run out of fingers. The implication of this statement isn’t aimed at the notion of self-confidence, but rather sways into the judgmental territory.

Many of us have always feared the unknown possibilities, opportunity and chances, not because they seem difficult, but because we feared the people we might come across and how they would perceive our presence. Thus, we chose to bow out of such commitments which entail any bold steps towards our  dreams. We let go, and worst is that , we don’t regret it. We just try to console ourselves by convincing ourselves that the foregone endeavors were something that our destiny didn’t bequeath to us. We settle in our mediocrity not because we lack talent, not because we aren’t smart enough ; we settle out because we our cursed in our passiveness at confronting people to take what is rightfully ours, and this is no sacrifice, its sheer stupidity. So stop such foolishness and do the inevitable.

Do we really matter

In this modern competitive world with billions of people, do you think we matter? Well, I am not talking in physics term but in emotional terms. You might have come across this thought now and then, when you feel undergo a misfortune, and let the unhappiness spill over in your life. Then to escape your misery, you go ranting about the tough times you have had, not with an idea of seeking solace from those close to you, but  just to reinforce the idea that your existence means something to someone. When people acknowledge you, you get a warm feeling which though is ephemeral in nature, fills you up with warmth and you feel as if you have achieved something. Your biggest mistake is that you start taking this as a measure of your life. It is the easiest way to becoming even more miserable.

Like I said, amidst the 7 billion people on this planet, do you think your really matter. Well, why think of it negatively. Over a period of time I have come to realise that this is the best thing that can happen to you. If you don’t matter, you tend to be the forgotten face in the crowd. Your constant inhibitions about being judged dry out since there is no one to care for. Such moment in life are when you grow the most. It is in those moments of loneliness when we introspect and realise the true worth of our lives.

What people think about you, is none of your business

Life is a constant process. It is a big package of emotional and physical endurance tests, and its upto us if we want to jump across those hurdles and reach the end of the finish line with a triumphant smile, or do we want to be the injured guy who limps his was through the sidelines, and finishes the race for the sake of it.

Life is essentially too short to think about others’ opinions about you. Sometimes its easier to ease down and do what you like. It will fill you up with satisfaction , and leave no room for regret. Don’t let you insecurities about yourself come in the way of your success. These moral ideas aren’t too difficult to uphold if you give it a try. All it requires is sincere attempt, and you will be surprised by how amazing it feels towards the end.

 

Plight of the lonesome voyager

In this age of technology, it is hard to find yourself isolated, at least in the conventional sense. From social media to an active social life, people have ways to do away with the loneliness that may swathe over. But are we truly happy?

Loneliness is a state of mind ;a condition of extreme desolation. Loneliness carries with it a burden of negative connotations, as it is deprived of a positive outlook. We envisage a lonely individual not as a happy man sitting in a corner all by himself, rather, the one who sits alone and implicates his miserable life as an attribute of grave injustice handed down to him by the Powers above. But this doesn’t mean that we can’t grow out of it. It isn’t a deadly disease, but something of a mental habit, which ,if allowed to perpetuate will have harsh consequences in the long run.

How to do away with this loneliness :

1. Avoid it’s conditional nature

A person who is quite an extrovert might find himself lonely without the presence of his entourage of troublemakers and party goers, a Whatsapp/ Facebook addict may grieve over the absence of notifications popping up on his screen and a person without friends may find himself lonely in the presence of hundreds.

Don’t bow down to such feelings, for they don’t last long. You need to confront it with a little boldness, wherein have to make yourself realize that your happiness should be in your utmost existence and not by the presence of someone in your life.

2. Sleep on it

Strange as it might seem, embrace that sadness, hug it like a teddy bear and sleep on it. When you wake up, you will feel rejuvenated and fresh. This is our natural mechanism which allows us to cope up with depression. If you are into biology a little, you might know that all are emotions are nothing but a work play of numerous hormones being secreted within our body. A little nudge in a positive direction will fix everything up. Even sitting in a room full of bright light can make you happy. Though the reason for your loneliness may not die away, atleast now you’ll have the strength to cope up with it and work on it.

3. Embrace it

Many people see Motivation in the time of loneliness. Sometimes people who seek acknowledgement of others or are distraught and aggrieved in life, see loneliness as a grim reminder of the ” need to act”. Their persistence and perfection is bought about by loneliness. Moreover, loneliness helps a person introspect in life, as he realizes that he has nothing to lose, and is in a clear win-win situation should he act upon his desires in life. All this is mandated by his sense of loneliness.

4. Acknowledge the Love

Amidst intense craving for recognition in this highly competitive society, it’s easy to lose perspective of life. We fail to differentiate between the perfunctory companions and the genuine ones. It’s only human to be drawn by towards the ones whose eyes are always drawn away from us, either out of shyness or sheer arrogance. In the course to please them, we lose out on the ones who are there for us and care for us. We take them for granted and refuse to acknowledge their love.

 

Bear in mind the relevance of the situation and how your feelings may manipulate your mind distract you and draw you away from what lies ahead. Feelings play a significant role in life, but only those who want to succeed ,wish to see what lies beyond them

Let It Go

“Was it hard?”I ask.

“Letting go?  Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn’t real.”

-Lisa Schroeder

Many a times I sat down thinking, how difficult can this be. It’s not the most difficult thing in the world and definitely not a Sisyphean task that would have even Gods shiver. But as days passed by, the answer to this pertinent question continued to elude me.

Its funny how the way the human heart works. In the literary sense, the heart throbs to the beats of love and fills your life with blossoming flowers ,the fragrance of which levitates you into heavenly bliss of ecstasy and passion. As you celebrate the love that brims over in your heart, all your desires and aspirations revolve around it, and the agendas to life take a spin. But trust me when I say this, the heart is more powerful than you think. It’s not only about love, but your life that the heart conquers.

Control the mind

I will share with you an incident which may not be of so much significance, but in terms of knowledge gained, I learned something new and something wonderful. A spirited retired octogenarian officer from the Indian Army on a wheelchair, shared with me the wisdom that I hope to bear with me through out my life. We had met outside a medical examination room at a hospital, where he had come for a regular check-up, so had I. As we both waited in the waiting room, he told me of how one who controls the mind, has the power to change everything around him. He told me that the only way he has continued to cheat death and stay healthy has been by fooling the mind. Fooling the mind by a surge of positivity , not only to force the negativity out it, but to instil a sense of calm by believing that everything is bound to be temporary and undue writhing and clamouring shall bring in no edifice to your situation. He told me to how just by believing in positive outcomes one can build roots for eternal happiness.

We lose our heart to the travesties that strike only because the intent to take control in lost. But then, you have to learn to believe in yourself when the whole world doesn’t. It is the that you take control, for if you don’t then life shall make strides in the wrong direction and you will end up losing what you have left.

Reflect, don’t compare

Most of us have been through relationships, which though seemed magical in the starting suddenly took a twisted turn towards a bitter end. It wasn’t that we didn’t try hard enough, but it just felt apart. Such experiences end up making us bitter, and wanting to close out the whole world just to protect ourselves. But then you have to realise that not everyone is the same and not every avenue leads to the same outcome. You have to maintain your faith for if once lost, will only lead to misery.

Reflect upon you past and don’t repeat those mistakes. Don’t think about the past only to dwell in the unhappiness that pervaded in those times, just learn and move on. You also need to understand that your life is your own, and you are the only one who understands it most. Don’t have others narrate their half hearted attempts at something meaningful which lead to a disaster, and let  them clog your mind with negativity. We all are different and that is the way of the world.

Let it go

I have spent days, weeks and months to contemplate in this regard. Is there a particular moment when you realise this is the moment when I need to let it go? …..No

There is no special  moment of enlightenment when you shall realise this. Rather, it depends on the moment when you let you heart play a little role, and let the brain decide to what is good for you. It is hard, but then you need to think that all this time lost to futile thoughts, is it actually worth the effort. I am not saying that an incentive should be sought for caring, but then, but then, do you think when you look back in time and think about this moment, you will be able to think that I did the right thing to hold onto those thoughts and let the reality just slide by………….I don’t think so.