Transition

For the DAILY PROMPT

“Train stations, airport terminals, subway stops: soulless spaces full of distracted, stressed zombies, or magical sets for fleeting, interlocking human stories?”

By the time she reached the railway station, she was panting with sweat tricking down her face, ebbing down her breasts and drenching her completely. She had hardly been able to pack her bag when he had come back knocking. high on desperation and inebriated out of his wits. Today was the day that she had called it quit to those incessant nasty disparaging remarks that she as the lady of the house had chosen not to conform to. Aisha wanted a different life, a better life, a life with respect and a life without her alcoholic better-half.

Lately his responses to her concerns about his life were becoming vague. Was he going to loose his job, would they have to shift again or was he finally getting back on track? Sanjay had an issue with his temper and usually would spring up on everything and anything that would insinuate a repugnant remark on his caliber and character. He had come to think of life as a constant  affair of immeasurable pain, wherein he tread the path of misery alone. His love for Aisha had dwindled over a period of time, as it had become difficult for him to see her concern as an act of utmost love, but an act to rip through his insecurities  by reminding him of his acts of indiscretions and incompetence. Slowly and slowly, the cracks in the relationship had become so wide, that the wife he adored became a paddle to rub against as he swerved through rough waters in life. Sanjay would constantly abuse Aisha, both physically and emotionally. Number of occasions, he would come back really late, usually drunk. He had been going through some tough times at office in the past one year, and his professional life had started taking a toll on his personal life. Over the past two months, things had only gotten worse. Not only did he sound dejected and cheated in life, all his frustration in life would translate into forced sex with Aisha. If she would refuse, he would beat her up and do so regardless. Making love had taken a different trajectory in life and it was becoming harder for Aisha to believe that in what was once a relished as a union of two bodies and one soul, was now a relationship bereft of any emotion and was a plain carnal relationship.From being that jovial woman with an intellect, who painted a larger than life picture across her,Aisha had come to become  a submissive and passive woman, who would startle even at the sound of a bell. A fine delicate face, which once fashioned a broad smile, now had bruises and dark patches redolent of a violent life. She was loosing it and loosing it fast.

Having deliberated on situation and options, Aisha could no more find reason to stay in a relationship wherein her husband no more saw her as a partner, but just a critic. She had become a symbol of his failure. So, one evening she confronted Sanjay for the dismal condition that they had reached in their life and told him about her finally calling it quit and leaving him forever. Of what followed were constant rebukes and utter violence. She was not only beaten but locked inside the house as well. Having lost her parents at a young age, Aisha didn’t have anyone to look upto and with in-laws who were not even willing to acknowledge her as their daughter-in-law, things couldn’t have been worse. So, she began writing and counting days of her miserable existence. She even contemplated killing herself, but in a place where she was already dead in her aspiration in life, physical death hardly mattered.  Deep down inside she wanted to live.

So, one day when Sanjay was out for work, Aisha made up her mind to run away. She packed her bag and took whatever she could in that short time, for he could return any minute. As she had feared, he returned shouting shortly afterwards. Only later when he realised that he had locked her in, did he open the door . This is when Aisha, completely shaken and shivering knew that the time had come. It was now or never, or else life would come catching and cut it short of the happiness it deserved. As Sanjay made way, the house opened to an empty living room with things discarded and thrown around, with an open window and a rope running down. She had run away from the shackles of his abhorrent life to see life in a way she knew how.

Probably too exhilarating an experience, Aisha was making a dash for her life and was finally smiling again. She felt liberated not at the breath of fresh air, or by the fact that there was no more incessant beating, but only because she could decide for herself. She ran towards the station as fast as she could, fleeing away from the place not even to let the old air catch her and cake her lungs with the weakness that had come to adorn lately.

She booked the ticket for the next north-bound train she could find and waited for a few minutes. She placed the satchel on her lap as she sat down on the bench at the deserted station, keeping the suitcase beside her. Nearly exhausted enough to pass out, she glared at the lights around her, which seemed to transcend from just beacons of illumination to thoughts of a future. As true perspective had come to her when she was forced upon a pedestal of pain and agony, she now envisaged life differently .With a discerning gaze, she looked at the passing by people, observing them for what they were and how different they seemed. She knew in her heart, that people were all the same, struggling in their own existence yet laughing away , taking things in their strides.

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Being Oblivious

Oblivion of the desires and pursuits of mortal existence is a dream which noble souls seek. It never comes down to an oddity of weak choosing oblivion over enrichment for they aren’t prepared to deal with the reality. The truth is, ignoring what may seem harsh, but at the same time existentially irrelevant is a pursuit of the strong and intelligent. It showcases your ability to prioritize without any undue misery attached to any decision you make. When you walk up on a stage to be heard for what you really stand for, it’s always good to be oblivious to the voices of dissent in some corner on the room. You should always know, you are up there to be heard,not to please.

In a world full of diversity, not in sense of race, gender or creed, it’s the attitude which distinguishes people. Being oblivious to others is an option which is misinterpreted and deeply abhorred in general. The idea isn’t about ignoring those around you, it is just that there should never be a moment in life, wherein you let go of yourself to be someone you aren’t, just because those voices of dissent caught up with you. The agenda is and should be to do as you please, not in a selfish way, but in a manner so as to be able to preserve your identity.

So can I actually slate out a criteria to get the oblivion act right?                                                   No

I just know one thing for sure, to be able to please everyone and anyone who may or may not matter is a thing of God. We are mortal and a little disdain or hatred will not kill anyone as much as a life full of frustration at the sight of disbelief and extreme insecurity about our own skin.

The Vindictive Approach

Success and failures are considered to be two sides of the same coin, though one is a little shiny and the other a little rusty. Everyone wishes for that shiny part, but do little to to achieve it. The reality of the matter is that, it’s not the shiny part you inherit, rather you smudge of the rustiness of the coin to make it shine. It’s failure that leads to success, without there being an absolute achievement of things being otherwise.

Being the fallible human beings, that we are, the failures sometimes plunge us into grim darkness. In such situations, it is up to us, whether we want to allured by the darkness or let our vision of the distant light guide us out of complacency. Sometimes the fear of failure reached disturbing level of magnitude, so not only to  ignore the light, but let the darkness clog our thinking.

I find myself in situation wherein I fail miserably yet don’t let myself become distraught. It’s not a facade of nonchalance, it’s just that to believe in the inevitability of things, and coming to terms with the consequences helps one wake up to the harsh truths in life. For a number of years, I have seen myself become a person whose competitiveness wasn’t restricted to the mental imagery of my victory, but equal happiness in other’s misery. It wasn’t a happy indulgence as it subconsciously blinded me so much, that I started basing my life as per the opinion of other people. Living in my own insecurities to find validation from others, was my chance at peace.

As you experience more and more in life, your perception undergoes transformation from being superficial to being profound. As you learn to weigh upon your own potential, you learn to care less of other’s opinions and everything isn’t a race anymore. From being vindictive, you become the exuberant being who is immune to trivia of life which immiserates you more. It’s not a fight to become the best so as when comparisons are drawn, you can stand there and smile. There is more to life than thinking about others ;think about yourself, but not in a selfish way, set personal goals, not career ones.

 

To forgive and forget

Sometimes few people just get to you and rage you up to an extent that you flare up through out the day. But most of the times, it’s not the unknown stranger who brushed you aside on the bus, or the unforgiving boss who gave you a pep talk , but the people who are very close to us who hurt us the most.Then, it’s difficult to decide whether you should just forgive and forget or get back at them. The dilemma is that, you can’t hurt the ones you love, because if you did, it would hurt you instead. So, we go about hurting ourselves basing it on the same principle as in the previous line, hoping that it would in turn hurt them. Now, this is a gamble in a way. Reason being, if you were put in a really disturbing grim situation by a supposed loved one, chances are that they didn’t actually love you or care for you enough. SO, when you go about sacrificing yourself, inflicting pain upon yourself, with a hope of evoking a response wherein the person feels that they are responsible for you current condition, you are on the losing end. If they don’t respond, you would have not only ended up hurting yourself, but would be worse off than you earlier were, as the act establishes the apathy from the other side. To know that a person who loved so much at a point of time has no concern whatsoever for you, is one of the worst feeling ever.

To make sure you aren’t the playing the ball game to lose, make sure you don’t make the situation a ball game in the first place. It’s not always about getting back at people for what they did to you. Sometimes the best is to forget for it is the quickest way to alleviating ourselves from the pain, rather than to reel under it, agonizing and antagonizing. Don’t go about killing yourself for what they did, rather concentrate on what you did, and what you must do. Time plays a part in healing as long as you are wiling to use it to fill your life with happiness. The continuum of sorrow and merriment, isn’t misery and inebriation, but a series of fruitful wondrous moments.

A ‘ Wilder’ way to life

“Don’t take life too seriously, you will never get our alive” – Van Wilder

Good movies do inspire you, they do connive and consume you into doing the inevitable. Today I watched Van Wilder again, after a really long time. Now, if you think that I am trying to draw inspiration from a movie which basically revolved around a character with his party planning schemes and eternal frat boozing, well ,you need to watch that movie again too. The movie isn’t about ‘Jesse’ from breaking bad(oh..he was in it ) looking as creepy as ever, or about Howard from Big Bang theory(…Him too), it’s about a guy and his confusion with reality, or lets just say, with himself.

 

As i watched the movie, It may made me somehow realise that in order to feel unlimited, we end up limiting ourselves.  We all dream of unlimited amount of money, unlimited amount of power and unlimited amount of luxury, all because we feel that all these will in turn bring us unlimited amount of happiness.Is that the truth, the real truth to life? I guess not.

When we think of a future, we don’t necessarily place my passion as a means of drawing that happiness, instead, we choose an ambition. Mind you, I said ‘choose  an ambition”, rather than the follow what interests you. Many a times we let go of our dreams trying to fit into the society, for at a point of time we dared to think the unthinkable, but when it came to doing it, the society caught on with us. We fool ourselves into believing that we are pursuing every avenue worth pursuing, and grasping every opportunity as comes, but then we end up being bereft of that lively feeling, a feeling of happiness, a feeling of fulfillment.

Mr Van Wilder didn’t place a career as a goal, rather he placed the experience drawn in life, living it day by day. The movies showed examples of how a very well pursued, calculated life might end up with a disaster if we place our goals as the utmost priorities in life whilst giving up on our ideals. This is because as we place our goals above ourselves, we feel a pressure to fulfill it, fearing that failure will diminish our being, our very existence. But that isn’t true at all, it isn’t even close to it. Sometimes its okay to be normal and okay to be average. Why fall in the rat race of the world trying to finish a race, which isn’t even yours. Do race in life, do wish to succeed, but before you do that, at least figure out ,what lies beyond that finish line is something truly yours to achieve.

Love the process, not the result

I recently read an article by the acclaimed author Mark Manson on pursuing goals in life. There was a particular line which can be merrily taken to be the gist on the article there, which was ” love the process, not the result”.

There is no ambiguity to this statement, so you don’t have to rake your heads to figure out what it means. It basically means that loving the process of what your are trying to achieve is more important than focusing on the end result. But how is this point of so much relevance and why you should adore and embrace this concept? Well, all of us have certain goals in life. Even if you proclaim you are too chilled out in life to have any, you still have one. It may short term like ,to get your hands on the latest edition of a magazine, or it maybe long term heavyweight goal regarding your retirement plans of spending your last days in a vineyard in Italy ;It maybe some career oriented goal, or it maybe some spiritual one; we all do have goals. In order to truly live our life, we should love the way we head towards our aim , rather than achieving the aim in itself. The significance of climbing onto the Mt Everest isn’t in the fact that you set foot on the peak, but is in the fact that you ‘climbed’ your way to the peak of the highest mountain on the planet, which very few people have been able to do.

Amidst the ongoing FIFA World Cup, don’t you have an adrenaline rush when you watch the person score, and take a victory lap on the sides. Even if you aren’t much of a footballer, you might still be tempted to live that moment of glory, where you are heralded as the messiah of the moment, a person who commands immense respect and power. Sometimes, such feelings build up to fantasies, which are so strong that they lead to a strong vigor of raw passion, that pushes you to do something big. It is only when you invest time building towards that moment that you realise that you lack real interest towards it. You were only interest in the result, the moment. If all that is taken out, you are just an empty soul with no strong will to give what it takes. Sometimes, such realizations discourage people to an extent that they become morose being with a lost purpose; we start blaming ourselves for our failures. But the truth is, these goals weren’t our goals in the first place. We loved the moment, not the skills of achieving it. This also doesn’t  mean that we shall not achieve the same moment of glory should we invest our potential towards what we actually like. It isn’t too complicated a notion, it just requires you to invest so as to reap as and when the time comes.

“Follow all and death shall strike, seek what is truly yours, and the Lords above shall bow to your strengths”