Instant Gratification

“You have completely lost it.” the rapacious December Playboy issue on my desk spoke out loud.
“You need to get things back in control man, its high time you do” the TV remote control added on.

“Yeah. That also means that you need to stay away from that girl, she seems to be an awful distraction to your life. ” came a sound from  nowhere.

As I looked around to check the source, the JBL Pulse flinched. It then stretched out its hand shyly, and pointed to the computer. The Computer was rather rampant in defending itself, and gyrated about to shake itself out of screen saver. The culprit taking a jab at my girlfriend was in sight, FACEBOOK.

“You of all the people talk about distraction” I asked it.
“C’mon, the onus lies on you. I wasn’t the one who dragged you onto me, and had you slay over and over, viciously clambering over the lives of others.” said FB
“First of all, that just sounds wrong. Second, you are due for deactivation now”

Such was my irritation, that in a sudden blip, the screen went off . I didn’t want to listen to it anymore, and then power cord was just a plug away

Another interview, and another rejection. They weren’t mutually exclusive events anymore, but buddies who seemed to be too pally. Poor academics and a pathetic ECA seemed to add-on to the already near abysmal existence.

Except for the JBL, the rest of the folks had all seen me grow up, and now were concerned about the way things were in my life. It was only in the past few years that I had befriended these wretched souls, who were otherwise stationery pieces of the living room set. From an ace student to a grace student,what had gone wrong in the past couple of years, was I not good enough or was I too scared to deal with the increasing pressure. I no more juggled between assignments and commitments, rather left them all than just choose one. I have lost my capability to slug it out for hours and hours, to practice and to improve. 

The TV remote is right, I do need to take things in control. But where exactly am I going wrong?

I don’t think I have to think too hard along these lines. The reason sits right there on my face as I write this article, patience and instant gratification. I lack the patience to give words to my ideas and I want immediate results in the form of quality and good reviews. Patience is a virtue, when exercised reaps benefits, when abhorred leads to loss. In my case, my patience in pursuit of goals, combined with my love for instant gratification seemed to have swayed me on a different line altogether. My efforts are diluted in quality and quantity, my goals are utterly vague since I have no means to believe that I can do better. Since I no more believe in myself, I am here surrounded my bunch of unnecessary distractions which offer no potent solution to any issue in life. It’s like delayed reaction to problems as a means of instant gratification. Defer the problem now, enjoy the moment and who knows, something might magically work out in the future.

TV, computer and mobile are my best friends, while the books bite dust in the corner of the room.I remember reading that the TVs are like lullabies, which force the mental activity to zero down. In contrast, reading a book is more challenging, since it involves observing, contemplating and inferring. Like panda on streak, I have been scratching off work off my list, and making room for more pleasure than working towards a better future. That’s the disease of instant gratification

 

 

 

Advertisements

Transition

For the DAILY PROMPT

“Train stations, airport terminals, subway stops: soulless spaces full of distracted, stressed zombies, or magical sets for fleeting, interlocking human stories?”

By the time she reached the railway station, she was panting with sweat tricking down her face, ebbing down her breasts and drenching her completely. She had hardly been able to pack her bag when he had come back knocking. high on desperation and inebriated out of his wits. Today was the day that she had called it quit to those incessant nasty disparaging remarks that she as the lady of the house had chosen not to conform to. Aisha wanted a different life, a better life, a life with respect and a life without her alcoholic better-half.

Lately his responses to her concerns about his life were becoming vague. Was he going to loose his job, would they have to shift again or was he finally getting back on track? Sanjay had an issue with his temper and usually would spring up on everything and anything that would insinuate a repugnant remark on his caliber and character. He had come to think of life as a constant  affair of immeasurable pain, wherein he tread the path of misery alone. His love for Aisha had dwindled over a period of time, as it had become difficult for him to see her concern as an act of utmost love, but an act to rip through his insecurities  by reminding him of his acts of indiscretions and incompetence. Slowly and slowly, the cracks in the relationship had become so wide, that the wife he adored became a paddle to rub against as he swerved through rough waters in life. Sanjay would constantly abuse Aisha, both physically and emotionally. Number of occasions, he would come back really late, usually drunk. He had been going through some tough times at office in the past one year, and his professional life had started taking a toll on his personal life. Over the past two months, things had only gotten worse. Not only did he sound dejected and cheated in life, all his frustration in life would translate into forced sex with Aisha. If she would refuse, he would beat her up and do so regardless. Making love had taken a different trajectory in life and it was becoming harder for Aisha to believe that in what was once a relished as a union of two bodies and one soul, was now a relationship bereft of any emotion and was a plain carnal relationship.From being that jovial woman with an intellect, who painted a larger than life picture across her,Aisha had come to become  a submissive and passive woman, who would startle even at the sound of a bell. A fine delicate face, which once fashioned a broad smile, now had bruises and dark patches redolent of a violent life. She was loosing it and loosing it fast.

Having deliberated on situation and options, Aisha could no more find reason to stay in a relationship wherein her husband no more saw her as a partner, but just a critic. She had become a symbol of his failure. So, one evening she confronted Sanjay for the dismal condition that they had reached in their life and told him about her finally calling it quit and leaving him forever. Of what followed were constant rebukes and utter violence. She was not only beaten but locked inside the house as well. Having lost her parents at a young age, Aisha didn’t have anyone to look upto and with in-laws who were not even willing to acknowledge her as their daughter-in-law, things couldn’t have been worse. So, she began writing and counting days of her miserable existence. She even contemplated killing herself, but in a place where she was already dead in her aspiration in life, physical death hardly mattered.  Deep down inside she wanted to live.

So, one day when Sanjay was out for work, Aisha made up her mind to run away. She packed her bag and took whatever she could in that short time, for he could return any minute. As she had feared, he returned shouting shortly afterwards. Only later when he realised that he had locked her in, did he open the door . This is when Aisha, completely shaken and shivering knew that the time had come. It was now or never, or else life would come catching and cut it short of the happiness it deserved. As Sanjay made way, the house opened to an empty living room with things discarded and thrown around, with an open window and a rope running down. She had run away from the shackles of his abhorrent life to see life in a way she knew how.

Probably too exhilarating an experience, Aisha was making a dash for her life and was finally smiling again. She felt liberated not at the breath of fresh air, or by the fact that there was no more incessant beating, but only because she could decide for herself. She ran towards the station as fast as she could, fleeing away from the place not even to let the old air catch her and cake her lungs with the weakness that had come to adorn lately.

She booked the ticket for the next north-bound train she could find and waited for a few minutes. She placed the satchel on her lap as she sat down on the bench at the deserted station, keeping the suitcase beside her. Nearly exhausted enough to pass out, she glared at the lights around her, which seemed to transcend from just beacons of illumination to thoughts of a future. As true perspective had come to her when she was forced upon a pedestal of pain and agony, she now envisaged life differently .With a discerning gaze, she looked at the passing by people, observing them for what they were and how different they seemed. She knew in her heart, that people were all the same, struggling in their own existence yet laughing away , taking things in their strides.

Condition the Mind-Nail that interview

Placement season is up at the college, and everyone seems busy as a bee, trying to sort things out and enter the rat race for the fancy job.I have been subjugated to my own share of rat racing without any conscious intention of being a part of it. It is more of peer pressure as I haven’t got a clue to what I want to do, so I do things anyways. With placements comes a baggage of other goodies such as GDs and interviews.

So, I am sure people get very psyched by the idea of having to sit in front of someone and rant about their lives and understanding of concepts, which they didn’t know of until that very moment.Now, out of sheer respect for the decorum of an interview, you choose not to spike your inquisitiveness and ask about it there and then. But, interviews are overall very fun.

But to respond in line to the DAILY PROMPT, if you get all jittery about the D-Day and don’t know how or what might soothe your nerves, try fooling your mind. Life is all about a power play between what we believe in and what we end up doing. Sometimes it’s hard not to freak out, but then, probably the major detrimental factor for that job is for you to not freak out. So, just ask yourself, do your really want the job?

As you get things clear in your head, it helps draw in rationality and wipe out the blur. You need to know that being presentable in a interview is important, seeming classy and intelligent is also useful, but the most important factor is that you should plan to be just you. Let the company want you for you, rather than  going in with a list of attributes that would seem ideal for the profile.

If you can digest all these lines, you will realise that you are no more nervous. This is because the element of surprise is gone. You come to an understanding that whatever should happen in the interview shall happen, but what I need to do is to be me. When I am me, nobody can catch me off guard since I know ‘ me’ more than you know me.

DAILY PROMPT

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/big-day-ahead/

 

Talking to a Wall

Lately I have been surrounded by people who in epilogues of daily parlance feature as “brick walls”. Yes, the analogy is right and doesn’t correlate to walls in respect of their toughness. Rather, this is meant to connote those with have fixated opinions, with clogged minds and are obstinate enough so as to completely disregard opinions of others.

Here is another example elucidate this concept further. When you shoot a bullet, or throw something at a wall, the tendency of the bullet or object to ricochet exists. But, the direction of the same isn’t something that might be  contemplated, for the bullet might just lodge itself into the wall or bounce back in any direction depending on the texture and evenness of the wall. Similarly, “wally” people have the ability to digest few things or hit back without much reverence. There is no pattern. Similar in this regard is when you go on top of a mountain and shout out loud into the valley. The echo might fascinate you, but the idea of the example is to showcase how receptive “wall-kind” people are. If you shout out a sentence into the valley, you will surely here yourself. But you might just notice, that the entire sentence isn’t the part being recited, rather just the last part . The gist of the matter is lost to the surrounding and only what is hailed last stands out. Similarly, “wally” people are receptive to very less, and are generous in giving back answers. They place keywords of a conversation, differently and give back answers without much ado.There doesn’t really remain much field to draw in reason but only a wordplay of jargon being shot at to establish a jovial juvenile false sense of superiority.
Talking about “walls” and not mentioning Facebook walls would be an anathema in the new social scenario. But having a wall to showcase your being and being a wall are two mutually exclusive things. One might obviously resort to posting ‘ I Don’t give a F**k about you” pics on their wall, but displaying that blatant disregard is a different ball game altogether. On FB, you use the medium of communication for dissemination of such opinions, knowing the effectiveness is limited and it’s merely a statement than an action. When it comes to being a wall, the foreground is set by rigidness and a premeditated notion of self-superiority and self-righteousness. It’s only appalling to think of such people, for when you become a wall, or start placing your ego before knowledge, you dig you grave right there, right then.
“Rather crumble away in glory, than be painted upon by such hegemony and prejudice. Lose your ego, not yourself”

A Thought of Fiction

a thought of fiction

I am a player of randomness, and it is my domain. To be beyond it is an idea so appalling, for randomness is not chaos, it’s just an idea of free will. So, swerving into randomness, I had an idea of utter brilliance with a streak of absurdity. What if, the words we speak were not an element of our conscious mind, but that of our subconscious. So to speak, our speech were the manifestation of our free mind and free will, rather than thoughts subjugated to societal hegemony and crass disposition of those around us. Would that make the world a better place to live in or not?

Just to make this clear, the subconscious isn’t just grey matter with only perception but no initiation. The subconscious is the background of the scenery that you paint through the course of your life. So basically the girl in the picture isn’t the most outstanding feature of the painting, it maybe the scenery in itself, hence is said, see the bigger picture in life :p. Nobody would like Julie Andrews dancing to the track of “The Sound of Music” in the backdrop of Gothic metal heads.So, the background does matter and in a way influences the center piece. What we see isn’t what we believe in, it is always what we are told to believe in, is where we vest our trust. Had we actually believed in what we saw, the subconscious and conscious wouldn’t be two tiers of thoughts, but reflections of each other, with one being just a little more refine than the other.

What we are subconsciously is very sublime and innate to the idea of our being. But what we put forth consciously maybe just the way we want to be. In college, we choose to hang around with a set of people, who supposedly are very cool, whereas deep down we want to be amongst those geeks at the book club. We persist in our efforts of making to the football team, something that we suck at, but don’t step into the auditions for the lead to that play we always loved. In such situations, if ever there was a possibility where you could just speak out whatever you wished too, life would certainly become less complicated.

Complexity in life is like the basement of a dungy house and you are the spider in it. Either you roll around weaving a constant thread and walk away from the hell hole or sit cooped up, weaving constant webs around in the same place till you yourself get tangled in them and die a miserable death.

Here is another thought on subconscious mind. Have you seen the movie Lucy or Limitless? If you have, who would you weigh in as the champion of situations, the conscious or the subconscious. Well, subconscious in indeed limitless, but to be fair to consciousness, it does channelize the subconscious thoughts, but not in a way so as to distort them.

Will subconscious eradicate the element of pretentiousness? Well, it just might. But then, it again depends. Those who are habitual liars and pretenders, believe inherently that what they are doing is the best for them. So, the subconscious mind, which is the reflection ,has been indoctrinated into believing just that. The eyes and the ears, see and hear things differently and thus, the subconscious has a different story to tell.

Everything is after all just a story, just an idea. Few grasp onto real life, rest fade into our subconscious and die forever.

The lackadaisical Wallflower

“I will never drink again” was my remark upon waking up to a terrible hangover. A college initiation trip, supposedly meant to act as a bonding session between seniors and juniors seemed to have completely gone wrong. Being new to the idea of college, I had pretty much believed that the Travelers Society of the college would rise up to it’s name and go about masquerading through the misty environs of suburban Gurgaon. Well, that didn’t happen, instead tragedy struck the timid, reticent me. From being thrown around in an algae plaid pool, which would have made any sober person puke at the sight of it( So, it worked pretty well for us, thank you seniors), to dancing around a bonfire like a Red Indian doped sky high, the overnight trip was fabulous. Bonding became just an add-on to the trip because something else had happened, I had discovered myself.

Here is a thing about Wallflowers,they maybe shy but should you get them high, the barriers of social inhibitions fall away like dominoes, sublime and smooth.But if you aren’t a pertinent socialite with much tolerance for drunkards, you might just have to ease yourself to the nearest room and shut yourself in, for wallflowers might drain you out. They get crazy and rock the world around them. If you have seen the movie Charlie Bartlett, you might have noticed that young charlie too has issues wherein he finds it difficult to adjust and showcase his talents. It’s not approval but only appreciation that he seeks of those around him. His dream is to walk up on a stage and announce his name to the world. I don’t say that you should also sell drugs in your college to garner such attention, but if you are shy and miserable, you might consider finding that something that you are passionate about and use it to break out of your shell. It’s not easy, but then anything worth having in life is never easy,

Wallflowers exude such awesomeness, that they not only surprisingly strike you as unique and entertaining, but they also come out as original. This is because, they are volcanoes of ideas which are waiting to erupt. What triggers the reaction is not a pep talk, but a dose of motivation clad in the form of warm elixir of life which swings you high into inebriation. Usually what acts as a hindrance to such eruption, is lack of self-esteem and confidence to thrust your way to the top. If you can hammer this idea into their subconscious that you are genuinely amazing, you shall only rise in life. When you are already at rock bottom, it’s hard to dig down further. Wallflowers realise just that in a magical moment, and in that moment they cease being wallflowers, and become what they were destined to be; brilliant ,exuberant and plain awesome.

Being Oblivious

Oblivion of the desires and pursuits of mortal existence is a dream which noble souls seek. It never comes down to an oddity of weak choosing oblivion over enrichment for they aren’t prepared to deal with the reality. The truth is, ignoring what may seem harsh, but at the same time existentially irrelevant is a pursuit of the strong and intelligent. It showcases your ability to prioritize without any undue misery attached to any decision you make. When you walk up on a stage to be heard for what you really stand for, it’s always good to be oblivious to the voices of dissent in some corner on the room. You should always know, you are up there to be heard,not to please.

In a world full of diversity, not in sense of race, gender or creed, it’s the attitude which distinguishes people. Being oblivious to others is an option which is misinterpreted and deeply abhorred in general. The idea isn’t about ignoring those around you, it is just that there should never be a moment in life, wherein you let go of yourself to be someone you aren’t, just because those voices of dissent caught up with you. The agenda is and should be to do as you please, not in a selfish way, but in a manner so as to be able to preserve your identity.

So can I actually slate out a criteria to get the oblivion act right?                                                   No

I just know one thing for sure, to be able to please everyone and anyone who may or may not matter is a thing of God. We are mortal and a little disdain or hatred will not kill anyone as much as a life full of frustration at the sight of disbelief and extreme insecurity about our own skin.

The Vindictive Approach

Success and failures are considered to be two sides of the same coin, though one is a little shiny and the other a little rusty. Everyone wishes for that shiny part, but do little to to achieve it. The reality of the matter is that, it’s not the shiny part you inherit, rather you smudge of the rustiness of the coin to make it shine. It’s failure that leads to success, without there being an absolute achievement of things being otherwise.

Being the fallible human beings, that we are, the failures sometimes plunge us into grim darkness. In such situations, it is up to us, whether we want to allured by the darkness or let our vision of the distant light guide us out of complacency. Sometimes the fear of failure reached disturbing level of magnitude, so not only to  ignore the light, but let the darkness clog our thinking.

I find myself in situation wherein I fail miserably yet don’t let myself become distraught. It’s not a facade of nonchalance, it’s just that to believe in the inevitability of things, and coming to terms with the consequences helps one wake up to the harsh truths in life. For a number of years, I have seen myself become a person whose competitiveness wasn’t restricted to the mental imagery of my victory, but equal happiness in other’s misery. It wasn’t a happy indulgence as it subconsciously blinded me so much, that I started basing my life as per the opinion of other people. Living in my own insecurities to find validation from others, was my chance at peace.

As you experience more and more in life, your perception undergoes transformation from being superficial to being profound. As you learn to weigh upon your own potential, you learn to care less of other’s opinions and everything isn’t a race anymore. From being vindictive, you become the exuberant being who is immune to trivia of life which immiserates you more. It’s not a fight to become the best so as when comparisons are drawn, you can stand there and smile. There is more to life than thinking about others ;think about yourself, but not in a selfish way, set personal goals, not career ones.