Rolling them Models

As a kid, I had several role models, ranging from the most suave rock-stars to superheroes from the movies. In fact, a few of them were a creation of my imaginative mind, which always placed me in the shoes of men in capes. It was exciting to dwell in such fantasies and let my grey cells galore gallop away to the most incredible imagery one could possibly form, wherein every outcome of blithe transgressions were not only favourable, but were symbolic of my unique virtues (atleast as to my mind). Though, a seasoned vigilante in my dreams and a struggling student in reality, my thick glasses didn’t do me justice as much as they did to Clark Kent. I remained a mortal nobody with or without glasses.

Through the course of my childhood, as my ambitions changed, the posters on my bedroom walls fell victims. Even the shelves in my room were overwhelmed with different genre of books that placed themselves neatly over the slabs, aggregating to a picture of a clueless mind towards the end of my teens. Now, when many around me partake to the cubical life, I sit here, still clueless, admiring the beauty of the titles , which have now grown comfortable with each other. Each title is a part of me, and somewhere in my mind, it gleams in the deepest corners allowing me to be a generalist in my virtues and exhibit loads of other non-essential qualities.

As every role model has come and gone, I haven’t been  able to emotionally detach myself from all of them. In their most vulnerable times, I find myself weakened. I can’t count to how many times a final’s defeat or a serve that went wrong has brought me down to the floor ,when Roger Federer would be playing. Every time a soldier dies in the line of duty, showing exemplary courage and valor, I get distraught. I find strength from such characters, and to see them vulnerable is like seeing myself vulnerable, and this isn’t a feeling I cherish.

From the schools of Idealism, a contemporary note says  , ”

Believe in all bullshit for truth is none, skepticism is all around you, choose the best one.

Role models bring in their own set of ideals and virtues, and like a book, you need to read them to know them. If you find the right one, stick with them for they can really help you do things you didn’t think you were capable of. If not, then you are most welcome to share my bookshelf.

Prospect-Retrospect

 Things seem difficult in prospect but easier in retrospect

My mind blows over the idea of what lies ahead in life, but before I psych out and punch walls, my brain does a reboot to shunt itself out of the heated moment by craving for external stimuli, i.e. TV or video-games. That’s how I roll these days. If you are wondering to what the intro line really means and how have I gone about establishing a context with my panic moments, well, that line actually defines you and me, and the rest of the 99.9% people on this planet who are aspiring billionaires. We all want to be rich, eat great food and date wonderful people, but have no idea of how to translate those ideas into action. I, for example, have a tendency to spell out a thousand reasons not to do something and then curse my fate of not getting it, inspite of being worthy of it. There is a paradox in what the mind believes and what it is willing to do, constantly telling you to get your shit together and act, yet not letting you budge your feet another inch on the morning jog. I hate the brain.

Anyways, lets delve deeper into the realm of inaction, where the likes of us trod into anonymity, letting our complacency make of for what is lost. I have been indecisive for so long that I struggle at the thought of having a career for myself. I had to retake an exam a year back, which I am yet to do. I planned taking it again about six months back, set out on finding the right set of coaches and even payed one in advance for a couple of classes. However, I cancelled all that and now six months on, I am back of square one. So ensnaring is my fright of action, that even when I take action, I feel trapped by my own decision.  Then I try to wriggle out of it like, seeking validation for my wrong judgments.

Well, just in case you are planning to write me off, I would like to establish that not every aspect of my life has gone astray due to my resilience in choosing to be in the shell. I have been progressing in the health domain, and I now can boast of running around 6kms at a stretch, without blacking out every time . My hospital trips have been less frequent, and the I no more spend time at the gym staring rolling over the medicine ball.  Though I am scared to do things, I have come to realise that to revel in genius , I need to get things started off first. Its tough, but then its better than being no where at all.

Instant Gratification

“You have completely lost it.” the rapacious December Playboy issue on my desk spoke out loud.
“You need to get things back in control man, its high time you do” the TV remote control added on.

“Yeah. That also means that you need to stay away from that girl, she seems to be an awful distraction to your life. ” came a sound from  nowhere.

As I looked around to check the source, the JBL Pulse flinched. It then stretched out its hand shyly, and pointed to the computer. The Computer was rather rampant in defending itself, and gyrated about to shake itself out of screen saver. The culprit taking a jab at my girlfriend was in sight, FACEBOOK.

“You of all the people talk about distraction” I asked it.
“C’mon, the onus lies on you. I wasn’t the one who dragged you onto me, and had you slay over and over, viciously clambering over the lives of others.” said FB
“First of all, that just sounds wrong. Second, you are due for deactivation now”

Such was my irritation, that in a sudden blip, the screen went off . I didn’t want to listen to it anymore, and then power cord was just a plug away

Another interview, and another rejection. They weren’t mutually exclusive events anymore, but buddies who seemed to be too pally. Poor academics and a pathetic ECA seemed to add-on to the already near abysmal existence.

Except for the JBL, the rest of the folks had all seen me grow up, and now were concerned about the way things were in my life. It was only in the past few years that I had befriended these wretched souls, who were otherwise stationery pieces of the living room set. From an ace student to a grace student,what had gone wrong in the past couple of years, was I not good enough or was I too scared to deal with the increasing pressure. I no more juggled between assignments and commitments, rather left them all than just choose one. I have lost my capability to slug it out for hours and hours, to practice and to improve. 

The TV remote is right, I do need to take things in control. But where exactly am I going wrong?

I don’t think I have to think too hard along these lines. The reason sits right there on my face as I write this article, patience and instant gratification. I lack the patience to give words to my ideas and I want immediate results in the form of quality and good reviews. Patience is a virtue, when exercised reaps benefits, when abhorred leads to loss. In my case, my patience in pursuit of goals, combined with my love for instant gratification seemed to have swayed me on a different line altogether. My efforts are diluted in quality and quantity, my goals are utterly vague since I have no means to believe that I can do better. Since I no more believe in myself, I am here surrounded my bunch of unnecessary distractions which offer no potent solution to any issue in life. It’s like delayed reaction to problems as a means of instant gratification. Defer the problem now, enjoy the moment and who knows, something might magically work out in the future.

TV, computer and mobile are my best friends, while the books bite dust in the corner of the room.I remember reading that the TVs are like lullabies, which force the mental activity to zero down. In contrast, reading a book is more challenging, since it involves observing, contemplating and inferring. Like panda on streak, I have been scratching off work off my list, and making room for more pleasure than working towards a better future. That’s the disease of instant gratification

 

 

 

Pro at Procrastination

Dates and deadlines, Misses and Goodbyes. It’s not the schedule that’s scarybut the idea of having to do it is what sends shivers through the body. Procrastination is a contagious disease, that spreads across the college dorms or at the fraternities. It is the Sunday morning that is replicated throughout the year, just maybe without the beer or a bad case of hernia which just doesn’t go.

As the sages of the past would like to put it ‘prepare for the outcome with a plan in mind, stay true to your motive and it shall become a reality should you try.’

Not too much of a task, is it.Then why the hullabaloo over the art of delaying tasks. Well, it’s probably because delaying hard work to make merry in make-believe trivialities clogs your mind. As the line goes, “Addiction to distraction, destroys creative production”. The only thing that requires delaying is the gratification. When you delay gratification for another day, and work for what is now and what is done, you become stronger. As I write this, my mind ploys against me as my hands wriggle away to the toggle pad to close the tab outright. My grey cells don’t seem to ponder about what is right, but for what I am missing out on.

What am I missing out on?

Well, right not I am missing out on a movie that I have opened on the media player, maybe the book I have opened up beside me, or maybe the assignment which was due last week. If my schedule pad was a person, it would right now be either cursing me or curling up in shame to how ‘used’ yet unused it feels.

You see, the pleasure loving people that we are, are probably born to regret things in life as we strive towards happiness. Life is like the undulating stream of line, which pitches over like a heartbeat, stretching across the entire canvas, from one end to another. There is no middle ground attained ever, especially for the procrastinators.

Is there actually a middle ground?

Well, there is a middle ground. That is a way is a no-man’s land too. It isn’t dominion of utter happiness or complete sadness, but the area of an emotionless endeavor of tireless hard work. It not instant gratification but habits that count. Habits are few things that stay. When you are lazying around, wondering how to push off work and find the next movie to watch, it’s the subconscious mind which creates a surge of a magical energy that flies you off the couch to the study table. Sometimes, it’s like being on a automatic mode, doing things without having to will it.

In order to succeed, you must will it. But then, how do you go about actually doing it?

Well the statement about will power is to an extent right. But if you have to will everything, then the obscurity of the task will only exhaust you will power. You shouldn’t have to will it desperately everyday to be able to get up at 5 AM. If you do, then life will be a pain. As you are constantly nudging the dreamy head to fight against the routine, you are pushing yourself too hard. After a point of time, that willingness to get up early, study early and better, run more and sleep less just amalgamates to an exhaustive mind play of constant discomfort. Maybe it will work initially, but then should you loose it once, coming back to it will not be a possibility.

To develop a habit, one must start small. It’s like being that toddler once again, who took the staggering steps towards mommy with an enthusiastic laugh of accomplishment as it took it’s first steps.The baby doesn’t reel under the pressure of having to replicate it again later, but just enjoys what it does. That is exactly what one should do.

Maybe when you have built up a robotic mind with an SSD mind, and a RAM strong enough to work quick and easy, you will get things done easily. Procrastination will no longer be your forte, and you will be not sitting on the couch watching a channel you don’t like, just because the remote was too far away.

Dream big, start small and start NOW.

Why Is Life So Overrated?

From buying a scoop of the new ice-cream to the new toy in the market, having a girlfriend to getting the fanciest job there is, I have a reason to believe that somewhere down the line you just look back at things and wonder, why was it so overrated. Even if the disappointment isn’t to why did people make a big deal out of things and freak you out, the disappointment maybe in the expectation of things. You may have wanted much more, and had to settle with whatever the situation had to offer. In the moment of disbelief that the idea that you had envisaged ever since you were a child was indeed a charade to lead you into the rat race of nothingness, shatters you within.

Being overrated isn’t an attribute that adorns a fancy prospect of ‘make-believe ideations’, but sometimes with everyday trivia too. Happiness for example is one of the most overrated things in life. You concentrate too much on the feeling that you fail to understand what exactly is driving that emotion. People who get high as well as those who achieve something, are happy alike, yet some are miserable and some not.

I am bothered these days by one of life’s biggest dilemma, choosing a career path. Not only do i find myself staring at walls again, I usually zone out so much, that my brain perceives the flashes of reality as a figment of imagination. Contemplating on career prospects isn’t easy, and having too many ideas doesn’t really supplement the cause, rather inhibits it. So, my make-believe channels of evaluation of a career usually involves me sitting in a specific environment, focusing on substance than just ideas. I find myself asking questions to whether or not I see myself in a place where the cubical is my domain and I am the lonesome entity frolicking through the arduous journey of life whilst sitting there. Well, basically I don’t see the corporate idea to be any good but to an extent overrated. Money being showered on me like confetti as I dance through it isn’t my life long fantasy. Although I am very intrigued by the idea of having a summer cottage by the hills or maybe a farmhouse somewhere overlooking a lake, as I sit and wield my pen to write trashy nonsense. Being an author is definitely on the cards. But the strange part in life is , these cards for me are being played by someone else. I just get to pick one up with my career on it and voila, end up as a data analyst at a bank.

I try stuff out, or should I say, contemplate and initiate with a focused reverence of the situation, draw inferences and eventually negate avenues. Its just that they don’t turn out to be the way I had thought it would be. I don’t know if its me or the entire world is a cheat. Why disappoint already disgruntled souls and lead them onto things, which weren’t great in the first place. If God was a big conglomerate in the private sector, he would do wonders. He would brand everything as essential, label it as a requisite to our very existence and then have us kill each other trying desperately to get our hands over them. Wait….maybe he already is.

Anyways, I don’t mean to sound all cynical. There is an element of fun to everything we do. Maybe what is deemed as overrated has an inherent connection to our interests and purpose in life. Maybe its a mechanism to ensure that we find true satisfaction in not what society makes us believe is worth doing, but something that truly completes us. Maybe I won’t land up with that corporate job with loads of money to offer and a guest house with an adjoining pool. I don’t want it anyways. Maybe I will fashion a paintbrush up my ears and paint a masterpiece as I set sail through the cloudy burrows of moonlight Venice.

Write and Write

Simple, isn’t it?

What is in the art of writing,all you need is a piece of paper and pen. If you are classy like the “Sweet Sixteen” brigands on Vh1, you might even fancy an emerald studded laptop with glowing stick-ons  to do the same. Writing is something you do as a part of your regular classwork, making doodles and filling it up with words you hear to give it an artistic touch. True art comes to people during examinations,when drawing skills don’t help you make the cut and you stare at sheets of blank pages to fill up. It’s a race against time wherein you struggle to galvanize anything and everything trivial and make it the core focus of the topic, sometimes in an ambiguous fashion, so as to let the examiner’s creativity fill in the voids left by your’s. Apart from the shenanigans of the school/college life, writing is the art practiced by those who seek a world in their words, after the real world has tried them and failed them instead.

Writing is like an self-appeasement dialogue one has with the soul, flouting the neural pathways to transcend deep down into some grey cell, and see if it carries something invictus. Once we establish that, there is a plethora of words forming stories beyond the imagination of the sane mind. Sometimes the idea seem so beyond us , yet so close. This is probably because for something that may have intrigued us once upon a time, has been sitting there in the subconscious all while long, gathering fruitful answers and possibilities. It is only in that moment of recollection that the sudden connection encapsulates our entire mind, and let’s us see the expanse of our imagination. You may only be surprised to what this grey matter has in the closet for you. All one need to do is hone it at the right time, and the words shall start flowing about.

As mentioned, that connection once established is almost magical. But then, sitting and thinking about situations will not make it happen.Rather as you wield the pen, there is an immediate connection between your subconscious and your hand. It starts seeming as if the hand has suddenly acquired a mind of it’s own, and bypasses your conscious mind completely. Should you do it more, you will realise that you know more than you had imagined.

Talking to a Wall

Lately I have been surrounded by people who in epilogues of daily parlance feature as “brick walls”. Yes, the analogy is right and doesn’t correlate to walls in respect of their toughness. Rather, this is meant to connote those with have fixated opinions, with clogged minds and are obstinate enough so as to completely disregard opinions of others.

Here is another example elucidate this concept further. When you shoot a bullet, or throw something at a wall, the tendency of the bullet or object to ricochet exists. But, the direction of the same isn’t something that might be  contemplated, for the bullet might just lodge itself into the wall or bounce back in any direction depending on the texture and evenness of the wall. Similarly, “wally” people have the ability to digest few things or hit back without much reverence. There is no pattern. Similar in this regard is when you go on top of a mountain and shout out loud into the valley. The echo might fascinate you, but the idea of the example is to showcase how receptive “wall-kind” people are. If you shout out a sentence into the valley, you will surely here yourself. But you might just notice, that the entire sentence isn’t the part being recited, rather just the last part . The gist of the matter is lost to the surrounding and only what is hailed last stands out. Similarly, “wally” people are receptive to very less, and are generous in giving back answers. They place keywords of a conversation, differently and give back answers without much ado.There doesn’t really remain much field to draw in reason but only a wordplay of jargon being shot at to establish a jovial juvenile false sense of superiority.
Talking about “walls” and not mentioning Facebook walls would be an anathema in the new social scenario. But having a wall to showcase your being and being a wall are two mutually exclusive things. One might obviously resort to posting ‘ I Don’t give a F**k about you” pics on their wall, but displaying that blatant disregard is a different ball game altogether. On FB, you use the medium of communication for dissemination of such opinions, knowing the effectiveness is limited and it’s merely a statement than an action. When it comes to being a wall, the foreground is set by rigidness and a premeditated notion of self-superiority and self-righteousness. It’s only appalling to think of such people, for when you become a wall, or start placing your ego before knowledge, you dig you grave right there, right then.
“Rather crumble away in glory, than be painted upon by such hegemony and prejudice. Lose your ego, not yourself”

Judge and be Judged

“Those who fear being judged, secretly judge others.”

If i were to ask you to count on your finger tips the number of occasions in the past year where you couldn’t gather yourself to something, out of fear of being laughed or mocked at, trust me, you would run out of fingers. The implication of this statement isn’t aimed at the notion of self-confidence, but rather sways into the judgmental territory.

Many of us have always feared the unknown possibilities, opportunity and chances, not because they seem difficult, but because we feared the people we might come across and how they would perceive our presence. Thus, we chose to bow out of such commitments which entail any bold steps towards our  dreams. We let go, and worst is that , we don’t regret it. We just try to console ourselves by convincing ourselves that the foregone endeavors were something that our destiny didn’t bequeath to us. We settle in our mediocrity not because we lack talent, not because we aren’t smart enough ; we settle out because we our cursed in our passiveness at confronting people to take what is rightfully ours, and this is no sacrifice, its sheer stupidity. So stop such foolishness and do the inevitable.

Do we really matter

In this modern competitive world with billions of people, do you think we matter? Well, I am not talking in physics term but in emotional terms. You might have come across this thought now and then, when you feel undergo a misfortune, and let the unhappiness spill over in your life. Then to escape your misery, you go ranting about the tough times you have had, not with an idea of seeking solace from those close to you, but  just to reinforce the idea that your existence means something to someone. When people acknowledge you, you get a warm feeling which though is ephemeral in nature, fills you up with warmth and you feel as if you have achieved something. Your biggest mistake is that you start taking this as a measure of your life. It is the easiest way to becoming even more miserable.

Like I said, amidst the 7 billion people on this planet, do you think your really matter. Well, why think of it negatively. Over a period of time I have come to realise that this is the best thing that can happen to you. If you don’t matter, you tend to be the forgotten face in the crowd. Your constant inhibitions about being judged dry out since there is no one to care for. Such moment in life are when you grow the most. It is in those moments of loneliness when we introspect and realise the true worth of our lives.

What people think about you, is none of your business

Life is a constant process. It is a big package of emotional and physical endurance tests, and its upto us if we want to jump across those hurdles and reach the end of the finish line with a triumphant smile, or do we want to be the injured guy who limps his was through the sidelines, and finishes the race for the sake of it.

Life is essentially too short to think about others’ opinions about you. Sometimes its easier to ease down and do what you like. It will fill you up with satisfaction , and leave no room for regret. Don’t let you insecurities about yourself come in the way of your success. These moral ideas aren’t too difficult to uphold if you give it a try. All it requires is sincere attempt, and you will be surprised by how amazing it feels towards the end.