This Is Where The Magic Begins

There was something about her that had this eclectic mind completely smitten. From a directionless wallow of complacency, I had been shaken to believe in something very potent. Like a smear of selfish desire that swathe over my wondrous mind, I had been left unbereaved  though incomplete. Something that wasn’t mine had crossed the thresholds of my inner beliefs, and had opened up a void and embraced me within. At that minute as I swerved in palpable love, the enigma of intimacy engulfed my soul and made me believe in love.

That day,the ambiance of the place was electric yet soothing. To be standing right there at that moment was like an apocryphal tale coming true.I stood my ground and watched in grave silence at that distant beauty whose aura was like lifting breeze. An incandescent light a midst the darkness as it glowed, filled her eyes and made them glint. It’s true what is said, it’s all in the eyes and not in embrace. I breathed upon myself heavily, doling out in the moment of ecstasy which seemed unreal. I walked to those blissful eyes, and stared them close , gasping as i did, wondering to how things as pretty had come out of the blue. She behaved as if she knew what my mind had conjured, yet remained calm and composed. My body seemed to leave me as I stretched out my hand and placed it by her waist, pulled her close and then felt her breathe. It was truly magical, the moment or the person, I still wonder.

I tell myself sometimes that if it should have, it would have. But then, sometimes it’s not for the mind to decide, it’s the heart. You can fool the world, but not the heart. To be there and feel the magic, and to be here and see it all go away, it true and harsh

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The Relic of Euphoria

Freedom

As I boarded off the subway, and headed through the alley onto the staircase, the breeze sunk me down and I was hit by that feeling again. The feeling that I have been dreading for the past one year, every enviable moment that reminds me of her. I came to despise myself that such an aberration to the beauty of the city of Delhi, has come to play such a significant part in the entirety of my ephemeral existence. I was clad with emotion and the sense of vulnerability swayed me over the edge. Regardless of how I felt, I continued to gaze across the ambiance that Connaught Place had to offer. It’s too delicate a situation, when your feet sit still, weighing you down as you walk, for every step that you take it a constant reminder of a past that no more recites itself with same fervor as it did at a point of time. Every place you see is a memory of her, and even though you desperately try to avoid the reality, it catches on. It’s hard to blame a place, for it just stands there whilst you look away and rage into a string of expletives which your mind desists. It still exudes its pleasant vibes which had once drawn you towards it, and comforted you well so as to become symbol of your love.

So, I kept walking around with a lot of random and awkward gazing. As I continued on my daredevilry, the paraphernalia of CP no more shackled me with nostalgia. Maybe it was just the weather, or the people or just the fact that amidst my stroll, I had forgotten about her or had let go of my objective strain to see the place as raunchiness of heartbreak and pain. The place which emasculated my very soul, suddenly seemed to enrich me with a feeling of rave bravado. I wondered whether the feeling that had been haunting me for the past year, wasn’t the feeling of misery and sadness, instead was a feeling of warmth and love that I had chosen to cloak in eternal sadness, for the face to that memory had become too much of a burden to bear. I had started to love this place, in fact I always did.

So, amongst the crowd I walked with my new found endearment for CP. For the new found wisdom was too captivating, a jovial me walked through the crowd with a new feeling. Now and then, I would feel the urge to go back, for maybe the feeling was too overwhelming that my wretched heart could absorb. But then I would force myself to carry on and loose myself in the moment and in the crowd like a faceless lovelorn creature who had somehow found a key to bypass the deceptive heart and its ways.   The feeling was her blessing, for she has made it special. She may not feature in the picture of my life anymore, but I knew one thing, the place which once stood as a relic to my love shall forever remain so. The feeling I had sensed at every minute with her by my side, had become a part of me. This feeling had beset a feeling of dismay at a point of time, when her betrayal clouded the love that I had found in her. But, when I finally gave in to the idea of fate, the cloud evaporated and the warmth returned.

I will return to that place again, and you shall see me with my strident steps, embracing the air like a carefree child. I will know no sense of fear, rather will blaze away in the sun with my candor and euphoria to live a life of love again.

Love and all that shit!!!

We vulnerable creatures and are miserable existence, the lovers, the lunatics and the stalkers…too many add onto the same frame of events and it becomes difficult to survive. It is in the very nature of human being to seek resolute company of others, evoking a sense of belonging and seek a new meaning to life. This feeling sometimes goes the distance and builds up to something even more potent, than mere physical presence, the misnomer chosen for this popular emotional perception is love. But then, let’s not talk about the negative gloomy aspects of this notion, which seems to ensnare more and more every day. As is believed, love changes life forever, should you actually fall in love.

If you were to go to any braided hair, Bob Marley look alike, and ask him about the idea of love, he might tell you whilst blowing cannabis off on your face,  that there is nothing to love, if there is emptiness in the souls. One doesn’t need to find meaning in a relationship, but seek meaning in the union of it. When that slacks off, there is nothing left, but sheer agony.

In the course of history, many have tried to articulate love in the best way one can. One of the best narrations on the same is by Louis de Bernières-

“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don’t blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being “in love”, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”
― Louis de Bernières, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin

There is something really crazy about love. Here is a fun fact- the day all the shit above starts making sense as if to evoke an urging moment of madness, where you feel you have understood everything there is to know, YOU ARE IN LOVE.