Prospect-Retrospect

 Things seem difficult in prospect but easier in retrospect

My mind blows over the idea of what lies ahead in life, but before I psych out and punch walls, my brain does a reboot to shunt itself out of the heated moment by craving for external stimuli, i.e. TV or video-games. That’s how I roll these days. If you are wondering to what the intro line really means and how have I gone about establishing a context with my panic moments, well, that line actually defines you and me, and the rest of the 99.9% people on this planet who are aspiring billionaires. We all want to be rich, eat great food and date wonderful people, but have no idea of how to translate those ideas into action. I, for example, have a tendency to spell out a thousand reasons not to do something and then curse my fate of not getting it, inspite of being worthy of it. There is a paradox in what the mind believes and what it is willing to do, constantly telling you to get your shit together and act, yet not letting you budge your feet another inch on the morning jog. I hate the brain.

Anyways, lets delve deeper into the realm of inaction, where the likes of us trod into anonymity, letting our complacency make of for what is lost. I have been indecisive for so long that I struggle at the thought of having a career for myself. I had to retake an exam a year back, which I am yet to do. I planned taking it again about six months back, set out on finding the right set of coaches and even payed one in advance for a couple of classes. However, I cancelled all that and now six months on, I am back of square one. So ensnaring is my fright of action, that even when I take action, I feel trapped by my own decision.  Then I try to wriggle out of it like, seeking validation for my wrong judgments.

Well, just in case you are planning to write me off, I would like to establish that not every aspect of my life has gone astray due to my resilience in choosing to be in the shell. I have been progressing in the health domain, and I now can boast of running around 6kms at a stretch, without blacking out every time . My hospital trips have been less frequent, and the I no more spend time at the gym staring rolling over the medicine ball.  Though I am scared to do things, I have come to realise that to revel in genius , I need to get things started off first. Its tough, but then its better than being no where at all.

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